no pictures yet cos i haven't moved in and i'm still tapping away at the hotel computer.

went on a tour of e holborn area yest and also went ice-skating with e holborn-ers last night. haha, met alot of fellow holborn-ers & quite a few lawyers too ((((: its very very cool that like just one day and i've met ppl from at least 10 countries. of which there are ppl from uk (duh), hk, jordan, pakistan, afghanistan, india, norway, china and loads more. haha. i love it that its no longer, oh 'what school are you from' and e answers come along e lines of rj/hc/vj/ac. haha. and its like you cannot take anyone at face value and assume stuff (:

apparently i have a very strong sporean accent. that's e one thing that's been stuck in my head. hahaha.

and i have bruises from ice-skating. bah. my palm's still swollen -.-

one more yangqi till e holborn grp's complete (: haha, and now that marcus is here. our bitching sessions can resume. grins.

despite all the fun i'm having. i've never been more aware & conscious of the colour of my skin and hair. as well as my upbringing. its quite a different experience actually. abit disturbing at times. but its all part of exploring e world eh (: so i shall just suck it all up, and move onwards (y)

yoohooo (: i'm in london alr! safe and sound.

was very very touched by those who came to send me off (: ming, stef, cass, suefaye, ziying, goldfish, viola, terence, kaleni, wenxin, juee, wanchee & huihui. MUACKS. had me bawling in e middle of e flight from e 'laoda picture book'. haha. i love you all. and i'm missing you all alrrrr ):

i heart my mingkie-poo mucho mucho!

the process of setting up my bank account and hp no is driving me insane. god. need to wait 10 bloody days for my debit card to be set up. then after which i have to wait even more days for my debit card to actually appear, then can i get my new hp no. this is bloody madness i tell you. ROARS.

now i need to head over to holborn constantly to check if my mail has come in -.- brilliant.

but the best thing is that nicole, shibani, sanjiv & ashraf are all here alr (: stupid ashraf gave me a shock in sainsbury :p hahaha. oh yes. high holborn looks like a bloody prison -.- its incredibly grey. and as much as grey is the new black and whatever, its super dullllllllllll. which is why i'm going to spend ALOT of effort on decorating my room :D haha. there's a wall dedicated to all my lovelies back in singapore. heh. plus mel in michigan. bet she didn't know i have pictures of her sound asleep on my floor. unglam shots. grins.

ok. i'm tired. and sleepy. shopping all day is TIRING. esp when u sit around waiting for FOREVER to set up a bloody bank account and still cannot get a card on e spot. ROARS. ice-skating tmr with my holborn-ers. cannot wait (:

i wish i wasn't so insecure around certain ppl. shrugs.

memories floating all around my head. the supposedly beginning of the end? hah. whatever.

i'm tired. cranky. and irritated.

feeling extremely guilty towards deb & sam ))))):

but ratatouille today with ming was absolutely fucking wonderful (: that's the highest level i can give alr. ahaha. it just felt right. and then mooncake festival celebrations at my grandma's house. the lovely lanterns in the garden (: haha. i'm savouring my last bit of home & comfort. the best two things in spore on my last full day. ming + family + food = love

so for now (: i shall keep my happy pictures to myself. i'll upload when i get to london!

BYE SINGAPORE! i'll miss you despite how much i bitch.

today was a wonderful day. i'll always remember it.

korean lunch. sunnies. walking.

borders. cam-whoring. bus.

starbucks. striped shirt. handshake. final goodbye.

crystal jade. roast goose. photos. black & white.

bakerzinn. walking. side by side. peach vodka. chianti. heads next to each other. the perfect fullstop to the day.

at the end of the day. i'm grateful for all that's happened. and yet i wish i could have all this, esp the last in london. i'm waiting for the day.

and now a phonecall with mel (: i love you darling. so much. nothing seems complete without you around.

thank you to you all.

in 4 days time, i'll be on the plane to london. finally i'll be flying away. finally able to get that escape i've been craving for so many years. its not about the freedom, its just that i will not be tied down by the memories that i was unable to let go off. its such a relief actually.

but it was only just now that i fully comprehended what it will be like to leave. familarity is one thing. but the worse will be the goodbyes. i suck at goodbyes. mainly cos i'm so afraid that that one word, will be the last thing i ever get to say to you.

i finally get to tie up all the loose ends. after 2 years, i can really say i hold no hatred, anger, love or emotion towards you anymore. i can just look at you without all the angst now. and after 1 half years, i feel like i finally came to terms with how it all started and ended. despite the short time, it was one of the biggest impacts on my life. it changed so much. it changed me too. a taste of hope, and i'll never settle for anything less now.

it is with a heavy yet hopeful heart, that i say my goodbyes.

random musings

for a person who really appreciates food. is very open to eating unusual things, i've actually not eaten quite a few things in my life. so today was my first taste of polish food. then a wee bit of indian food. haha. it was good (: but i still must say i'm not a fan of indian food at all. prata & naan. tht will do me just fine.

did i mention i never ate yong tau foo in my life till rj. hell, i didn't even know what was yong tau foo. oh cheng ting too. haha. i rather suaku about spore food :p

lana cake makes me hum with happiness. marcus rocks! hehe.

i heart my 4 darling juniors. denise, audrey, noee & nat (: 4 lovelies from j2, 4 lovelies from j1. (y)

yesterday was a brilliant day (very british eh). went out with mingkie-poo. food reflexology. driving, talking. simplicity at its best. then TALKED TO MEL ON E PHONEEEE!!!!!! i cannot explain how damn good it was to talk to her on e phone. no disconnection like on skype. talked for 45 min :D eeeee. just as though she was in spore!!! i miss that girl SO DAMN MUCH. it just feels wrong damnit.

i have fallen head over heels in loveeeeee (((((((((((((((((((:

let me introduce the new love of my life.

ain't it the most beautiful thing (: check it out here! mehehehe. sighs. close to 600 bucks, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to handle such a complicated camera. if i spoil it in uk i'll so cry. buts its so gorgeous. plus it works on 120 film, and i've been wanting/dying to get a cam that works on 120 film. got a coloursplash for my first lomo cam, thinking that it'd be idiot proof (which it was), and i totally love my coloursplash. just that now i want to move on to using the special film? but those only exist in 120 format. plus e 120 slide & negative are all on sale nowwww. wails. ANYONE WANT TO BUY IT FOR ME FOR MY UPCOMING BIRTHDAY? :D i will love you forever and ever and ever. haha.

another new model i just spotted :p the diana. the exposure, contrast & the super vibrant colours it produces looks super super good (: haha, its wayyyy cheaper, and probably more easy to handle :p also 120 film!

and e one i've been eyeing for quite awhile. holga (: hehehe. but e one thing i don't like is that its rather big. plus its features though more professional are rather similar to my coloursplash. but its 120 film too. shrugs. shall think more about it. haha.

off to do more baking (: i wrapped more nonya zhangs today with my grandmummy. i will miss her so much when i leave ):

why thank you junwee (: hehe.

okk. more pictures cos i don't really have much to say just that meeting cass today, talking shit & complaining about things that we both can't stand totally made my day (:

oh yes, reminder to self. less vodka is good (y)

alot of pictures (: plus e lse ones for joyceee!


cheryl & jingjing (: i miss my dancers ):


ashraf, marcus & tong sharing e loveee. hehe.


joyce, shib, natasha & me!


shib & sanjiv. sanjiv's been an absolute angel (: hahaha. krispy kremes, username & rides home. woohoo.


ashraf, finella, chloe (i love her name), shib, me, sanjiv, joyce, tong & grumpy looking marcus. at timbre (:


at my function room. food galoreee. hahaha. combination of chorming & i driving, plus alison, cuiyin, nicholas & yangqi.


yummy spore food (: that's frog porridge in e gong btw :D


ziying & suefaye at 6th avenue. i love simply bread (: hehe. such lovely memories that i have of mel, ziying & i there back in our rg gym days.


bai hei bai. mehehe. junwee & jeremy (:


this photo is bloody hilarious. ahahaha. jeremy so happy to kiss junwee eh.


e crazy amount of food we ordered at brewerkz. went there to watch e man u match :D which man u won! mehehe. vidic (: and my baby was back from suspension. so happiness all around.


jeremy, minghao, baldwin & junwee. minghao's blocking our fruit beer tower! ahaha, raspberry beer is not bad at all (:


cass today! happyhappy.

ooh. one more reason to make today a gd day, i finally got my watch :D my wrists feels alot heavier, but its a good kinda heavy. hehe. makes me smile now everytime i check e time.

: blind :: lifehouse :
everytime i hear this song now (: i think of ming. and it gives me happy warm fuzzy feelings

omg. tonight's party was whacked -.- hahaha. fun. but drinking vodka then rum. and being e bartender at e same time. WAY NOT GOOD. i was so gone. haha. hilarious. abit too much was spilled, but wth anyway. SECRETS AT E TABLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE KEPT AT E BLOODY TABLE DAMNIT.

i so needed that talk with mel. haha, but e talk before that with sanjiv was good too (:

more later in e day when i'm abit more sober eh.

skype is lovely (: skyped with kayli & jerrine yesterday morning left me extremely happy & missing them both. heheeheee. plus the lse ppl made yesterday gooood :D

party party tonight. shall blog more later (: tata

love you jie!

weekends always leave me incredibly tired -.- bloody ns. anyway, sent wanlin off on sat morning. ALOOOT of ppl sent her off :p went with reuben & anwar. hilarious idiots. hahaha.

anyway, sat was a good but tiring day (: i met my 3 rocks. ahahaha. the 3 boys that keeps my world spinning as it is, in their own (very very different ways). they couldn't be more different actually. but they are e best (:

shopping with anwar in e morning. our parking coupon incident was damn funny. the two of us running towards e car park :p then giggling nonstop. hahaha. full of shit. but i bought a lovely white pea coat (: that he too agreed was loveeee. i must say my 3 rocks all have wonderful fabulous fashion sense (y) mucho good shopping partners. i like!

haha, just that too much shopping with yipeng leaves me very poor. i still rmb how we used to pon sch in e first 3 months in rj to shop. smirks. met him for evan almighty. first time we ever watched movie, and one of e few times alcohol was not involved at all. grins. then went to haji lane (with horrible street directions from him -glares-). but it was really nice to shop there cos its e first time i've been there & all e shops are open.

then had class dinner, which was vegetarian indian food. two things that i don't normally eat. so this girl sat there eating naan. the waitress kept asking me if i wanted something more -.- haha. it was nicee to see suefaye, junwee, ivan, baldwin, xinling & all of them together after so long (:

met justin afterwards, went down to central & had yummy yummy tonkatsu :D haha. drank perfume-ish jap alcohol. which was honestly quite gross & spent e whole time trying to take arty farty photos :p hehee. wanted to watch a soccer match together, but i was so tired that i went home to crash. my eyes were closing as we walked. was out from like 9am to 11pm. 14 hours. woosh.


sending wanlin off at e airport (:


anwar!


yipeng!


justin!


2so3s (:

anyway, i've been doing quite a bit of baking e past few days. made a bacon & egg pie e other day. was lazy :p so i used a filo pastry. hehh. but it was yummmmmyy :D my daddy's been eating for e past few days. i must say my family's really supportive of my cooking & baking. esp my daddy. heh. my mum's a critic. bah. made a batch of burnt butter & brown sugar cuppies that day too. made 1 batch, but it was so popular and disappeared so fast that i had to rebake another 2 batches! hehee (: excuse my gloating. but I LOVE MY BURNT BUTTER & BROWN SUGAR CUPPIES :D they're love i tell you. or according to someone, as good as sex. smirks. why thank you. hehehe.

you have no idea how happy it makes me to see my products turning out so well (: baking & cooking just makes me bubble with joy. haha.

but it doesn't mean i'm going to be everyone's cook in uk ah -.-


a slice of bacon & egg pie (:


rest of e pie. heh.


burnt butter brown sugar cuppies (try saying that 10times fast :p)


closeup :D


& with icing. also burnt butter icing. yummmmmyyyyy :D

: beautiful girl :: sean kingston :

[edit] its time to face my ghosts, quite literally. this is going to be interesting. hmms. project letter begin! [/edit]

not a good day again.

cramps. tired. headache. worried about jie in taiwan. giving up. missing out. the final fullstop to it all.

i'm so sorry deb ):

tmr will be a better day.

so many thoughts running through my head. rambling, incoherent, short, long, sad, happy, painful, wistful, hopefuly thoughts they are. so many so many. ending up in this jumbled mess, that i can't or don't want to sort out. its too tiring really. and i'm already so tired from the preparations.

i've always liked the old things. old friends, old books, vintage, black & white, sepia and all that. sometimes i get so excited about the future, about all that is new, and finally escaping the shackles that have held me in spore. then i think about certain things, certain people, who i know can never be replaced. and i wonder if there will be something i love as much as that item. like my chair that i'm sitting in now, the one that i studied my arse off for my Os & As, the one that i wrote all my letters in. like my couch that i've spent so many nights watching the nightsky, or watching the rain come down. and then there are the people. people i'm so used to seeing constantly, and even if i don't see them constantly, i'm able to take comfort in that i can pick up the phone anytime and call them. but so many of them are gone now. some have flown away, some have walked away and some are still here by me. but soon, it'll be my turn to fly away. and sometimes, i feel like i should say sorry to them. haha. not apologising for choosing this path, but for not being there all the time.

its going to be time to say goodbye soon. despite everything. i really can't wait (:

oooh. my dad is such a stubborn idiot that i was practically seething with rage just now. i DO NOT UNDERSTAND why such a man like him can have a daughter like me. roars.

need to breatheeeee.

and its a sinking feeling i get, when i see the sweater in those pictures. hah. mel, i'm torturing myself doing you-know-what again :p

i forsee myself spending alot of money & getting very very poor in uk. esp with marcus as my fellow holborner & lawyer. hah. but its allll good (: provided my dad doesn't cut my cards. -rolls eyes-

YESSSSSSS I FINALLY FINALLY GOT MY FLIGHT TO LONDON CONFIRMED :D wooohooo. wan jun is super super happy! mehehee. let's not get me started on how long this thing dragged. its on 24th sept at 11.30pm. sq flight :D sia is e only way to fly (y) i'm a singapore airline girl. grins. oh i'm super happy. cos i was getting abit stressed out about my flight seeing how all my lse friends were all discussing their departure dates, and when it came to my turn, i always sheepishly answered that it wasn't confirmed yet -.- then to see the looks of disbelief & horror (exaggeration) on their face. was not good at all.

anyway, pictures pictures (: its the start of my 'see everyone i care about before i leave' thingum. which is made incredibly hard by stupid ns. but anyway, met wan lin yesterday, who is leaving on sat to where near mel is ): roars. anyway, i totally adore wanlin. haha, you just cannot possibly be sad around her. she just makes me want to laugh. other than mel & suefaye, she's e only other girl i talked to in 3S. very social eh. haha, but sometimes you just click you know. so my total tally of real friends in 3S after 2 yrs is 7. brilliant. smirks. speaking of which i need to find my fav black & white pair soon. OEI JEREMY & JUNWEE!



today was steffish lunch day (: we were both super tired. haha, e first thing she said to me was you look really tired. haha, but we still made e effort to meet up! i haven't had a one-to-one outing with stef in AGES. there are somethings that no one could quite understand other than a screw member. like how we don't like/understand permanently happy people. as in the SUNSHINE RAINBOWS PUPPIES type -.- sorry i like the darkness. thank you. trying to meet ming & stef at least once a week before i go cos i'll miss them terribly. even though we don't talk like everyday. you know that they're contactable easily, but when i get to london ))):


sending jie off yesterday.

ok. now e happiness/adrenaline from getting my flight is wearing off. and i'm tired, sleepy & cranky. off to nap. then its out again. tiring i tell you -.-

: goodbye :: audio adrenaline :
hearing this just reminds me of you and everything.

[edit] no more emo-ing. about that issue anyway. i'm moving on. i know that things probably will never be better, but at least i'll be happier. i won't say goodbye, that was said silently a long time ago. so thank you. have a wonderful life, i know you'll be great.

skype-ing with mel makes my day totally (: [/edit]


sanjiv (: who totally rocks cos he managed to figure out my lse username that i brilliantly forgot to take down & nearly couldn't log into my lse email. hehee.


ashraf with joyce's fingers up his nose. that's my other 2 lovely (very very free & bo liao) dorm mates. grins.

this is getting interesting. haha. i feel like i should put a disclaimer on my blog. that being emo does not equate depression (y) otherwise i'd have commited suicide long long ago. grins. i think only justin & yipeng can take my emo-ing. hmms. justin well cos he's justin. and yipeng cos he doesn't give a damn, and tells me to shutup. smirks. ooh how i miss drama class suddenly.

oh yeah, though yipeng prob won't read this, i must say i'm super happy for you that you finished your half ironman. hahaha. absolute bloody madness. but still (y) for you friend.

thanks to my lovely interdependent for the phonecall (: i haven't talked to you in ages & it was just wonderful. hehe.

sending off jie tmr ): she's off to taiwan for 6 months. and i won't see her for quite awhile. and it'll prob be e longest we'll be apart for. and another xmas without her. pouts. take care in taiwan k jie! i'll miss you!


pj & i (: on e bloody montrosity below -.-



: never be the same again :: melanie c :

[edit] roars. i wish i was less emo. and i could handle all these shit easily and say stuff like, it'll be ok -.- i was never optimistic. or drama-less. but as much as i'm fine with all that, sometimes (just sometimes) i wish i wouldn't care about the state of my relationships between ppl. grumbles. i think i need to cut down on entries like these -.- tmi plus i think mel gets worried. she seems to be e only one who does. haha. which is why i love that girl so much. if only i had e money to buy michigan uni and shift it next to lse. hrmmphs. [/edit]

disappointment seems to be all that's related to my relationships at this point of time. i wonder if you will send me off. hell, or would you even notice if i left.

its like this hole in my chest. this huge gaping blackhole.

i feel really empty. and yet i know no matter how many times i write this here, or say it out, it won't matter a thing to you.

strangers are what we have become.

i find it scary & yet interesting at the same time how we all used to fear partings, and yet it came so adruptly & swiftly. and its like you were never there. and i was never by your side. and things go on just like they used to do, just that we're not together anymore.

so many times i wish i could hate you. and not speak of you & e memories with this air of wistfulness.

deleted -.-

didn't know my post would create so much drama. didn't think anyone from lse (other than shib) reads my blog. hmms. who is from/going lse & reading this now :p own up!

but anyway, friday was a tiring, draining, bad day. i think my mind was totally not there. it was just a bad bad day. tmr is resting & recovering day. but i still need to wake up at 7 to send my daddy to e airport. roars. but at least i'll have e car for 2 days (y)

i adore my lse easties (: esp those who i've gone home with. sanjiv, marcus, chorming, cuiyin & kenny. heh. AND OWN UP NOW -glares-

: dream catch me :: newton faulkner :